So Many Tears!

WHAT? I am so emotional about my growing baby. It's kinda pathetic...maybe?

All I know is I cry when I think about how "tiny" (technically he was a big baby but still much tinier (word?)) he was and how big he now. I cry thinking about weaning him. I cry when I think I should try to train him to self smooth. I cry when I leave him with someone else. I just thinking about leaving him when Mick and I go on our cruise in January.

For some reason in my mind NO ONE can take care of my baby as well as I can (even though I know there are probably many who can do a much better job, I am new at this after all).

I have decided to wean kenny by the end of year. Its scary. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I don't know how its going to go.

Mick and I go on a cruise in January. I am so stressed about leaving him for a whole week. I prayed for what felt like HOURS last night asking Heavenly Father to give me peace about it. I still have 4 months to go after all. I keep thinking "What if he cries for a the whole week I am gone", "What if the ship sinks and I die and leave him an orphan?" (that one makes me laugh because of how silly it sounds after thinking it), "What if he learns to love whoever is watching him more than me?", "Is he going to do really awesome things while I'm gone and I miss them?" (like walking), "Will he be traumatized?", and "Will his separation anxiety become extreme?".

I'm still waiting to feel peace. Maybe that is a sign I shouldn't go... Maybe I am being a crazy psycho attached mother?

*sigh*

This is harder than I ever imagined. What am I going to do??!! Mick really want it to just be us on the cruise. No babies.

I think I would like to hear all of your stories, advice, suggestions, opinions about weaning, self soothing, separation anxiety, leaving your first for the first time. Lay it on me! Ready Set GO!

Its Been Rough

to say the least...

i won't go into the details of how rough and strange this week has been. it has been full of stress, disappointing news, tears, sickness, scares, more tears, sweat and a whole lot of emotions i didn't expect to feel.

i am so happy to be back in utah. i really am. we haven't done much other than look for an apartment. i had no idea it would be this hard finding a place where we could have chaz. i hope he knows just how much we love him. haha

i have been realizing this year how friendships change. a lot. and in ways i never expected. its been hard but i guess its good to find out who my true friends really are. {My family}.

Kenny had his 6 month check up today. it went well. he is 27 inches, 21 pounds, and super healthy! yay!

I need to get some photos uploaded on here. that will have to wait for another day.

P.S. weening myself from facebook has been extremely unsuccessful. lol.

Oh Facebook

For some reason for the past several months I feel like I should ween myself from Facebook and focus more on sharing things here on my blog. Its weird. Not an idea i'm totally opposed to either. i will continue to think about it. so much drama happens on my facebook that i hate. people take what i say the wrong way and then i get sent enormous emails telling me how i am this awful person and all this other hurtful and not true stuff. sometimes i feel like facebook just sucks me in and rules my life. i hate that the most. so maybe i will start weening myself. yes...i think it is a pretty good idea. nope...i wont get rid of it! i like it too much and it is super great for keeping up with friends and other family members.

hi my name is jessica and i am addicted to facebook.

Fly Love

Wasn´t really thinking, wasn´t looking , wasn´t searching
for an answer
In the moonlight
When I saw your face

Saw you looking at me, saw you peaking out from under
moon beams
Through the palm trees
Swaying in the breeze

I know that I´m feeling so much more than ever before
And so I´m giving more to you that I though I could do

Don´t know how it happened, don´t know why, but you don´t
really need a reason
When the stars shine
Just to fall in love

Made the love each other, made to be together for a life time
In the sunshine
Flying in the sky

I know that I´m feeling so much more than ever before
And so I´m giving more to you that I though I could do

Now I know love is real
So when the sky high, as the angels dry
Letting you and I fly love

Ever After

A Cinderella Story

i have watched this movie at least a dozen times in the month of july. i am watching right now as i write this post even! ha! it is definitely in my top 5 favorite movies ever. it makes me feel happy. :D

guess what. kenny can now pull himself up to his feet. yeah. why is he growing so fast?! tonight i went to look for my camera and as i walked out i noticed kenny about to put my flip flop in his mouth so i put them up on the chair. i continued looking for my camera and then out of the corner of my eye i saw kenny almost fall. so i looked and i could see he was trying to pull himself up on the chair. yep. i watched him go from sitting to standing. it was amazing! hahaha! he is so funny! he is so close to crawling. he has crawled several times in the past two days. i don't know if he's figured it out completely yet though. i have no doubts that he will have it down by the weekend.

Cute Overload!

Utah is getting closer and closer! Mick and I are counting the days! This summer has been extremely rough. Two summers in row. Sheesh. Next summer WILL be different. I am so happy we're not doing the summer sales thing anymore. The guys are trying to convince Mick to stay. The owners of the company are positive he'll be back and are trying to find ways to get Mick to sign on for another year. HA! HA! HA! There is no way in....heck....that we're doing this again. Nope.

-Kenny is growing. A LOT! I was looking at the clothes he wore at the beginning of the summer and they were tiny. Now he is a big baby. sometimes i do miss my tiny baby who would just lay there and look at me. is that bad?

-This morning I woke up with him under our bed....yeah. he is pretty mobile. he doesn't quite crawl yet but he's getting close. he can definitely sit himself up now. he loves it. if i hold his hands he will stand himself up. he is also starting to take steps while i hold his hands!

-he is quite the noisy these days as well. When he's upset I swear he says "mom" or "mamma". i am sure he must get his loudness from his father. if you know me you know i am a pretty quite person. even when i try to be loud its still quite. lol. kenny is NOT quiet.

-he LOVES eating solid food. his favorite food is bananas. he also like green beans (weird). he is always trying to grab my food and put it in his mouth. i think he'll love eating real solid food! i did let him chew on my pizza crust the other day. he of course LOVED it.

-he is super fascinated with "The Chaz". He will laugh and laugh and laugh at every little thing chaz does. it is hilarious! i always have to keep my eye on those two. chaz likes to eat kenny's poop right out of the diaper-while kenny is still wearing it. it is so gross. sometimes kenny gets a hold of chaz's foot or ear hair and it hurts chaz who starts to yelp which scares the crap out of kenny.

-he is now afraid of people. lol. he's so shy. i wish he wasn't. if someone comes up to him that he doesn't know he will just burst into tears. its super sad and makes people feel bad and uncomfortable. lol. oh well. that's what happens when i literally am stuck inside for the first 6 months of his life.

-he has two little teeth now. his adorable smile somehow got even more adorable! I can't get over that smile of his with his way cute dimple and round cheeks. i have to tell him to take the cuteness down a few notches because i literally feel like i am having a cute overload.

to say the least...i sure do love being a mommy to that incredible baby boy! how did i get so blessed?